Tips for dressing & changing a baby badger (a.k.a. 1 year old)

When your baby badger becomes mobile, diaper changes and dressing your badger becomes VERY difficult.  Here are a few tips to make the job easier.

#1 - Prep for the diaper/clothing change
It is absolutely essential to be prepared.  Before beginning, make sure that you have EVERYTHING that you need for the job.  If one item is forgotten, you may be stuck carrying a half naked, thrashing, wild badger around the house searching for the butt cream.  Even worse, you may be stuck trying to dig socks out of the laundry basket while attempting to restrain your badger.  If this happens, move some clothes out of the laundry basket, throw the badger in, quickly cover with laundry, this will buy you 20-30 seconds to search for socks.   

#2 - Use your badger call
It is essential for every mom to learn the language of the badger.  You must be armed with an array of crazy unearthly noises before the badger becomes mobile, because distraction is the key to success.  When you lay your badger down next to the items that you will need for the changing, it will instantly begin to thrash, screech, and crawl away.  You must begin the badger calling instantly!  The most difficult part of badger calling is that once a sound has been heard, the badger becomes immune so you must always be prepared with new noises.

#3 - Use the wipes
If your badger will not stop thrashing, use 1-2 baby wipes to stun the badger into stillness.  Simply take the wipe and lay it over the badgers face.  This will freeze the badger for at least 10 seconds while it tries to figure out what this crazy, cold, thing is on it's face.   Though 10 seconds doesn't seem like much time, after practicing with your badger for a few months, you will be able to master the 38 buttons on their pajamas in 15 seconds flat.

#4 - Use your body
Sometimes you may need to use your own body to attempt to control the badger.  This may include gently laying your leg across the badgers legs while you work on the top half (watch their teeth..).  This may also include sitting on the bed with the badger between your legs, cross your legs "Indian style" around the badger in an attempt to hold the badger down while putting on their onesie.  It is very important to watch for their claws.  They may have the ability to turn and claw your face and eyes while in this position.  If you notice that your badgers nails are long, make a note to trim them after you take a couple hour break from the task of changing. 

#5 - Call back up
If you have been wrestling the badger on the bed for more than 5 minutes, it is time to call in reinforcements.  Sometimes you will need an extra body to corner the crawling, kicking badger while you attempt to capture it's legs in those adorable baby jeans.  Back up can be anyone, Dad, sister, brother, even the dog.  Sometimes a new face will give you enough time to finish up the job.

#6 - If your badger becomes aggressive at any time
Use oven mitts.

#7- If all of the above fails, Use tranquilizers
Jk.  Seriously though, if nothing else works, let your baby badger run free and nude!  Sometimes they just need a little bit of their original habitat to calm them. 

#8 - When you are finished
Be sure to give your badger much love and attention.  It is very important to show the badger how much you care for it.  The more love and attention you show, the easier it will be to care for your wild badger.

Please note that no badgers were harmed in the making of this tip sheet.


For more information on Badgers, please YouTube  "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger" narrated by Randall.  PLEASE NOTE!!!!  The honey badger is not for the religious or faint of heart.  The video is highly inappropriate and Randall swears like a sailor, but it is hilarious. 

The Comeback! {{Part Two of the Poop Chronicles}}

I have been asked OVER and OVER when I'm going to start blogging again.  I keep telling people when have time, when things slow down, when I'm not as busy, etc.  Well I don't think that day will ever come.  I shall never again know the meaning of "bored" in the life of Saige and Swayzee's mommy/full time business woman/part time nurse/trying to be an okay wife/holy crap has it really been 3 days since I showered? SOO here you are... Someday... (haha) I will have a catch up post with lots of fun pictures from the holidays, but for now, you get my day, today.

Last night I went to bed at 2AM like always because 24 hours just isn't enough time to do everything that I have to do! JJ leaves early to go ice fishing and both kids are up at 6AM.  This is not normal and not allowed.  mommy.must.have.more.sleeeeeep. So because I am an awesome mom, I give Saige the iPad to watch "Baby Daddy" her new favorite show so I can get an extra hour or two of zzzz.  No I haven't screened it yet, but it has "Barbara Jean" in it so it must not be too bad right? Don't judge. 

Well a few hours later I wake to find Saige and Swayzee hanging out in Swayzee's crib [read: Saige piling laundry and blankets on top of Swayzee] luckily Swayz has learned how to pull hair and can fend for herself a little now.

Saige pretty much begs me to make sock puppets... damn you iPad... this kid is too smart for her own good.    So we go through the morning routine, change bums, go from pull up to panties, breakfast, etc.  Little mom victory, Saige's pull up is dry and I haven't changed her since 5am... yay......ha.  Then on to sock puppets & a "surprise" for Daddy... such a sweet kid.  Cant forget little MaeMae stuffing cereal in her chubby little face.

Then I get a call from the nursing job that I need to go in... COMPLETELY forgot I was on call.  Take a few moments to panic looking for a sitter.  Jump in the shower.  Come out to check on Saige and find a little munchkin with her cheeks full of Mtn dew... yep, she drank the entire can.   "It's not yucky mama, it's tayyyystteeeee".  Well she's going to the sitter so nothing I can do now... sorry Amber. ;)

Work, work, work.  Walmart.  Home.  Dinner.  Jammies.  Find a rock in Swayzee's mouth.  Swayz to bed. Dishes. Laundry.  Saige pees down both legs onto the floor because she's mad and screaming at me.  Wash her down.  Pick up the house.  Clean out the fridge.  Run. Run. Run. Run...

"MOM!"
"What Saige..?"
"That pull up yucky, there's poop in it" pointing to the trash can next to our computer desk.
....
Found the pull up, with poop in it. 
"What did you do, poop in it, throw it away, then put your panties back on?"
"No, I pooped before you woke up."


Yep. My kid went the ENTIRE day with as Saige would say... a "poopy ass" . 
Lets take a moment to thank the heavens that Saige craps like a reindeer.
"Mom of the year" here I come! 

Sloooowww down!

I think someone forgot the memo, the one that says, " HEY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY LITTLE!".  Little miss Swayz is growing up WAYY too fast.  In fact, at record speed. I remember watching Saige pass through milestones thinking she was WAY too little to be doing "that" already and here we are with Swayzee, a whole month ahead of Saige! She started rolling over about 3 weeks ago and has amazing head control.  She can lay on her stomach with her head up for a very long time.

Today we were working on sitting up.  She has mastered the monkey pose.  She can sit this way, propping herself up on her hands, for at least 30 seconds.  I am COMPLETELY in awe.  Saige was way ahead on sitting up and she was 5 months when she started.  Swayzee is only 4 months and 1 week old!  We're still working on sitting without the arm propping, but I'm thinking it will only be another week or so.  

Baby Swayz...

Baby Monkey...

Baby Swayz again... just in case you were confused...

 

Baby Saige... 1 day before she turned 5 months old!

See the resemblance!?

The comparing of photos above has also brought me to the painful realization that Swayzee has even less hair than Saige did.  Poor Uncle Fester is gonna be bald till she's 3 years old!!

Not only is this kid trying to sit up already, she's trying to scoot!! She can move 5-6 inches if she has something to work for.  Seriously,  I probably have the most strong willed girls in history.  There is no such thing as keeping up with children like mine.  Just when I thought I would be okay for the Christmas jewelry rush, little miss Swayzee Mae whacked me on the head and said, "yeah right mom, I'll probably be crawling in October"  I'm done for! 



 

The Hardest Battle

I recently noticed a chip in one of Saige's front teeth.  I'm not sure when it happened, but it got me inspecting her teeth a little closer.  We brush daily, try to twice a day.  Anyways, I found spots on her teeth that didn't look good.  I made an appointment for her with our local dentist in Monroe.  I feel inclined to tell about our experience because I don't ever want a mother to go through what I did.  

I took Saige into the appointment and she was nervous, but she was okay.  We went into the exam room and the assistant tried to keep her calm (she was really great as was the receptionist).  When the dentist came in, he didn't smile at Saige or talk to her at all.  He simply walked over and told me to lay her on my lap.  I tried to do what I could to get her in a position for him to see her teeth.  He yanked her mouth open and she started to scream hysterically.  "Freaking out" would be putting it mildly.  She was absolutely terrified and bit down.  He proceeded to yell out, not really at her, but it scared her even more, hell it even scared me for a second.  After about 30 seconds of pure hell, he told me that all of her teeth showed significant decay.  

I swear to you I brush this kids teeth every day.  I don't inspect them with mirrors or pry her mouth open.  You can't see anything without forcing her to open her mouth, which maybe I should have been doing at home.  Anyways, he went on to ask about milk.  Yes, she drinks milk from her sippy cup during the night, she hasn't had a bottle since she was 11 month old.  Yes, I realize that this can damage their teeth, but we water it down and I will tell you, we have tried SO many times to take it away.  Saige with milk = up about 10x a night, Saige without milk = no sleep AT ALL. Trying to take the milk away has been 100x harder then getting her to sleep in her own bed, which was the hardest thing to do SO far as a mom. 

He told me that it was my fault and all of her decay was preventable.  He then told me that she would have to be sedated at the hospital to have them fixed, which was understandable as there was no way anyone would get to see in her mouth with her awake.  He also told me that the last kids teeth he fixed, he ended up pulling them all and they didn't have any teeth until kindergarten.  He didn't tell me anything he planned to do, scheduled the appointment and pretty much pushed us out of the office because Saige was so upset.  They didn't even offer her a sticker.  I was completely heartbroken.  Saige asked me where her treat was and I told her we would get one.   The second I got to the car I started bawling hysterically.  I cried for two hours straight because I was so upset by the visit, the news about her teeth, the fact that they didn't offer her ANYTHING to make her feel better.  I felt like the absolute WORST mom in the world, how could I let this happen.  

Crying to myself wasn't enough, I had to call my mom and cry to her too.  She asked who I had taken her to and proceeded to tell me a few horror stories, as did my mother in law, about the dentist.  My mom told me about a pediatric dentist that my sister had taken my nephew to, to have his teeth fixed, as he had similar issues going on.  I called and canceled the hospital visit with "the other" dentist and I will NEVER take one of my children to him again.  

I called and made an appointmet for the pediatric dentist, Dr. Cody Johnson out of St. George, for the following day (we got lucky and he was traveling to Richfield that day).  When we went to her appointment with Dr. Johnson, the environment was totally different.  When he came in, he immediately talked to Saige and smiled.  He was happy and so was everyone around him.  Saige wasn't afraid!  He was able to get a look in her mouth without being bitten, although she was still screaming.  He told me the last dentist had probably ruined any chance of quiet dentist visits.  

Dr. Johnson told me the same news, that her teeth were badly decayed.  First question he asked me, " Do you put her to bed with juice or soda?"  My reply, "Are you kidding me? Absolutely not, she does have milk, but never juice or soda".  He went on to tell me that milk shouldn't decay teeth if she is drinking out of a sippy cup because the milk doesn't sit in their mouth as much, they swallow it.  While it isn't good for their teeth, it shouldn't cause significant decay like her teeth had.  Saige's teeth were likely a product of bad genes.  He told us that they would have to sedate Saige and cap all of her teeth, luckily they do have white front caps now so no one would notice unless they looked into her mouth.  I knew that the news was coming, I figured it would be something terrible like caps. 

As a kid, I had silver caps on EVERY single tooth up until they fell out of my poor little head.  They told my mom the same thing, it was her fault for "giving me too much juice", sometimes kids just have softer teeth and softer enamel and it's harder to keep their teeth healthy.  I worry about kids teasing her, like they did me, if they see her "silver teeth", but I know she will be okay.  She is her mother's daughter and well we are tough little shits.  I actually remember a few times that boys wanted to sit next to me to see my shiny teeth!

I SOOO wish this picture was clear because it's the perfect picture of my GRILL!!

 While I felt a little better about our second opinion, I still feel defeated as a parent.  No matter what, even when you try your hardest, it seems like something always sneaks up and  knocks you down making you feel like you aren't "good enough" to be a mom.  

One more experience that has dampered my "Mom spirit" recently...

The girls and I went shopping to Walmart, the first time out of the house with Saige in big girl undies.  We were in and out of the bathroom at least 7 times, which is difficult with a baby, purse, and Saige.  Finally we got out of the store (2 hours later) and to the truck.  I put the baby into the truck, then loaded the groceries in the front passenger seat.  Saige found the keys and pushed the panic button (and apparently the lock button), I took the keys, turned the alarm off, and tossed the keys onto my seat.  Closed the door and went around the truck to put Saige in her seat.  The door was locked, my heart sunk. I tried the driver door, locked.  The baby was locked in the HOT truck ( it was 92 degrees outside) and I didn't have an extra key.  I called Richfield City police in a panic, they told me there was NOTHING they could do as they didn't have the equipment to open vehicle doors.  All I could say was "are you shitting me? WHAT DO I DO???" she told me to call a locksmith, so I hung up on her.  Thank the good Lord that Mikes Auto Clinic is 2 minutes from Walmart and Mike was there.  I stood next to the window staring at the baby trying not to throw up.  Saige at that moment, decided she needed to poop and proceeded to do so, in her pants.  To top it off, she started peeing and it ran down both of her legs, all over the place.   Some lady came up to me (with good intentions) and asked if I was okay or needed a ride, I pointed to the baby and she started to panic, asking me why I wasn't trying to get into the truck.  A.  I knew help was close and the baby was still okay, starting to get flush and breathe harder, but she was still okay.  B.  I had a two year old with me who just crapped her pants, I didn't know what to do with her.  C. There was no way into the truck.  D.  Leave me the hell alone lady before I have a full on PANIC ATTACK.  It took 12 minutes before the baby was out of the car.  She was flushed, but perfectly fine. I started to cry while I was writing the check for the bill.  Mike is lucky I didn't give him a big fat kiss. 

That was the scariest, worst experience in my life.   Again, I bawled all the way home running through all of the events over and over.  Did I do the right thing? What could I have done differently to get her out sooner?  

Looking at both experiences now, I feel confident in the decisions I have made, though it's taken a lot of convincing myself to get to that point.  I no longer regret giving Saige milk.  If it helped in making her teeth bad, there's nothing I can do to change it now, we fix them and we move on, lesson learned.  Little Swayzee is fine and everyone is happy.  

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world and we are our own worst critics.  We have to remind ourselves that as long as we are doing the best that we can, there is no reason to second guess our own decisions.  It is SO important to have confidence as a mother and to follow our hearts.  We have to forgive ourselves everyday and try harder the next.  Most importantly, don't pass judgement on other mothers, because you know what it feels like to be judged. 

Monday Updates!

This is going to be a super quick short post because I have a whole pile of work things to do! 

WEEKLY CHECK-IN

Starting weight: 164
Last Monday weight: 157.4
Current weight: 155

Weekly weight loss: -2.4lb
Total weight loss: 9lb

Goal for the week? Lose 3 lbs!


 21 day NO JUNK FOOD Challenge Update... 

I was doing quite terrific.  I'm so determined, I even picked the M&M's out of my trail mix on Saturday.  This is serious shit! LOL

UNTIL........ I was under on calories yesterday and decided to "reward" myself with a can of Mt. Dew.  I'm telling you this honestly.  I COMPLETELY forgot about the challenge.  How the hell do you do that, seriously!? 

Guess what.  I didn't gain 58lbs.  I didn't die.  My heart did not explode! 

So I guess I can be forgiven, I'm not perfect.  I blame the children, they're sucking all of my brain power. ;)

So... I had one slip up, the entire week! That's pretty damn awesome!

KIDDO UPDATE! 

I've been so focused on weight loss, I haven't blogged about the little's much.  

Saige is talking in almost full sentences, which amazes me at 28 months! 

We ALMOST have her potty trained.  If she would stop being such a smart little turd, we would be there! She is a VERY stubborn child.  Like the most stubborn ever.  She refuses to poop in the potty.  She instead goes to her room and takes a pull up out of her "stash" (I'm not joking she has them hidden somewhere I am yet to find...) and put's it on and poops in it.  It drives me INSANE! Today I am going to search every inch of her room and find them!! She must have picked up a stack off of our dresser and stashed them.  She's only had two little tiny, overexcited pee accidents since Friday. :)  The next step will be leaving the house in big girls! 

She's been sleeping great too! Only wakes up about 2x a night now instead of 15! Wo00!!!


Swayzee is growing SO fast! She is 3 1/2 months already, I can't believe it! She's rolling over, laughing (ALWAYS at Saige... Saige could fart and Swayzee would giggle at her... they're so fun together), still sleeping through the night, happy ALL THE TIME.  She is really the perfect baby.  She's going to be crawling by the time she's 6 months, I'm almost certain.  Every morning when I wake up, she's flipped completely around in her crib.  She flips right over and rolls both ways. I am going to have my hands full!! 


♥ ♥ ♥


 

 



 

Seriously, I almost die every time I watch these videos...

Have I mentioned how much I love these kids!!!???

It's not about perfect, it's about effort!

The last few weeks have been hit and miss with calorie counting and exercise. 
Good & bad days, but mostly bad. 
I have this REALLY terrible habit of getting on the scale every morning and getting disappointed for a split second that I'm STILL FAT!!! FRUMPY.
Then that beast in my head kicks in... 
"Guess what buttercup, you can't hope more than you work.  
If you eat like a hogger, you will probably weigh what a hog weighs.  
If you sit on the computer chair for hours a day and don't move, your ass will probably grow!"
.......Damn..... she's just not nice.

You will be happy to know that I am feeling MUCH more motivated as of the last few days.  
I'm telling you, if you don't have an accountability buddy, FIND ONE.  
Having someone to "report" to motivates me to make healthy decisions.

Soooo, what you've all (by all, I mean all 2 of you who read my blog) been waiting for! 
When I "started" in the middle of June, I weighed 164 lbs.  
As of this morning, I am down to 157.4.  
I have lost about 6.5 lbs.  

Is that good for a month and a half?
No. It sucks.  
BUT like I said, I feel like I've finally found some motivation, so hopefully the coming updates will be good ones! 
I vow to check in EVERY MONDAY yes... that's a lie.  I'll probably get busy and forget... with weight and progress, maybe pictures in a few weeks! 

As for my game plan... 

21 day NO JUNK FOOD challenge? 
Day 2 down! No temptations!!

3rd day under my calorie goal in a row!  

Started 30DS again tonight! Baby steps people...  
 
I have said before, I LOVE 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels.  
Is it fun? 
No. It sucks ass.  
It's hard.  
It makes me want to barf. 
& ninja kick Jillian in the head.
BUT Google "30 day shred results" and you will know why I continue to torture myself.
IT WORKS.  
Best part? 
It works FAST.  
Second best part? 
It's only 24 minutes.

I wanted to share my awesome 30DS calendar.  You don't have to do 30 days straight without rest days, I have never done this program without rest days.  I usually do it 4-5 times a week and add some elliptical and other cardio and strength training in there. 

Hang this calendar on your bathroom mirror, every time you do a work out, X it out.  
Seeing it every day will help keep you motivated to keep going!

"It's not about perfect, it's about effort.  & when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens.  That's how change occurs" - Jillian Michaels