Tips for dressing & changing a baby badger (a.k.a. 1 year old)

When your baby badger becomes mobile, diaper changes and dressing your badger becomes VERY difficult.  Here are a few tips to make the job easier.

#1 - Prep for the diaper/clothing change
It is absolutely essential to be prepared.  Before beginning, make sure that you have EVERYTHING that you need for the job.  If one item is forgotten, you may be stuck carrying a half naked, thrashing, wild badger around the house searching for the butt cream.  Even worse, you may be stuck trying to dig socks out of the laundry basket while attempting to restrain your badger.  If this happens, move some clothes out of the laundry basket, throw the badger in, quickly cover with laundry, this will buy you 20-30 seconds to search for socks.   

#2 - Use your badger call
It is essential for every mom to learn the language of the badger.  You must be armed with an array of crazy unearthly noises before the badger becomes mobile, because distraction is the key to success.  When you lay your badger down next to the items that you will need for the changing, it will instantly begin to thrash, screech, and crawl away.  You must begin the badger calling instantly!  The most difficult part of badger calling is that once a sound has been heard, the badger becomes immune so you must always be prepared with new noises.

#3 - Use the wipes
If your badger will not stop thrashing, use 1-2 baby wipes to stun the badger into stillness.  Simply take the wipe and lay it over the badgers face.  This will freeze the badger for at least 10 seconds while it tries to figure out what this crazy, cold, thing is on it's face.   Though 10 seconds doesn't seem like much time, after practicing with your badger for a few months, you will be able to master the 38 buttons on their pajamas in 15 seconds flat.

#4 - Use your body
Sometimes you may need to use your own body to attempt to control the badger.  This may include gently laying your leg across the badgers legs while you work on the top half (watch their teeth..).  This may also include sitting on the bed with the badger between your legs, cross your legs "Indian style" around the badger in an attempt to hold the badger down while putting on their onesie.  It is very important to watch for their claws.  They may have the ability to turn and claw your face and eyes while in this position.  If you notice that your badgers nails are long, make a note to trim them after you take a couple hour break from the task of changing. 

#5 - Call back up
If you have been wrestling the badger on the bed for more than 5 minutes, it is time to call in reinforcements.  Sometimes you will need an extra body to corner the crawling, kicking badger while you attempt to capture it's legs in those adorable baby jeans.  Back up can be anyone, Dad, sister, brother, even the dog.  Sometimes a new face will give you enough time to finish up the job.

#6 - If your badger becomes aggressive at any time
Use oven mitts.

#7- If all of the above fails, Use tranquilizers
Jk.  Seriously though, if nothing else works, let your baby badger run free and nude!  Sometimes they just need a little bit of their original habitat to calm them. 

#8 - When you are finished
Be sure to give your badger much love and attention.  It is very important to show the badger how much you care for it.  The more love and attention you show, the easier it will be to care for your wild badger.

Please note that no badgers were harmed in the making of this tip sheet.


For more information on Badgers, please YouTube  "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger" narrated by Randall.  PLEASE NOTE!!!!  The honey badger is not for the religious or faint of heart.  The video is highly inappropriate and Randall swears like a sailor, but it is hilarious.