Mission Big Girl Bed... Night 1...PART 1

You know how your doctor tells you, don't put the baby in your bed.  They say, there's an increased risk of suffocation and it's dangerous and blah, blah, blah.  I don't know that I believe there is an increased risk to the baby because when I wake up and Swayzee is in the bassinet I panic a little bit, if she's right next to me I'm perfectly calm.  Anyways, LISTEN TO THE DAMN DOCTORS! They're trying to save you from pulling every single hair out of your head in the future.  Save you from nights of screaming, puking, whailing, changing the sheets over and over, at least a week of absolutely no sleep, and a seriously major headache that even a gallon of coffee can't cure.  

I haven't slept touching my husband for over two years.  I haven't slept for more than 4 hours STRAIGHT for TWO VERY, EXTREMELY, LONG YEARS. Do you know what that is like? It's torture.  No human should have to live through it!

I love my little Saige more than anything, but I cannot handle her, her lammy, pony, puppy, and piggy, in my QUEEN SIZED bed for one more second.  I sometimes think about sneaking her onto the floor in the middle of the night, just until she woke up, just so I had a few moments of comfort.  I probably wouldn't... probably. ;)

Tonight is our very first *real* attempt to get her to fall asleep in her bed, in her own room.  Our biggest challenge is that Saige has a toddler bed without a cage to keep her in.  She tries to get out of the bed twenty billion times every five seconds.  I sit and rock Swayzee in the glider next to her bed and try to ignore her.  "Mom, mama, mommy, mama, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. "  If you've ever seen Family Guy, you can relate to this. Yes sometimes I scream "WHAT".  She really does it.  It drives me utterly insane! I try to be patient with this child, but she's very trying.    

The one time I think she *MIGHT* close her eyes, baby Swayzee grunts and farts and Saige shoots up in the bed, "What's that about!!?" (in a British accent).  Don't ask.  It's her new thing and I have no idea where it came from. Then I, in my very calmest [forced] voice say, "Saige, please lay back down".  What do I get as a response? "I'm gonna whoopa your ass."  Yes people.  My kid is a flipping sailor.  Yes, I know how and where she learned it.  Yes, Mommy needs her mouth washed out with soap, but that's not the point.  I am seriously at my wits end and it had only been 30 minutes! 

Luckily JJ can sense that I'm just about ready to lock the kid in the bathroom and decides to relieve me.  For the safety of Saige and my sanity, this was the best option. ;)  She's used to going to sleep for Daddy because he normally gets her there when I'm stamping jewelry, so you'd think that would be the best option, but he's still in there, one hour after we started.  

If she falls asleep it will be an absolute miracle.  I will fall right off of my chair.  If I live through this child it will be an even bigger miracle.  Please send sleepy thoughts our way!

Please note: no children were harmed in the making of this post. ;)