The Hardest Battle

I recently noticed a chip in one of Saige's front teeth.  I'm not sure when it happened, but it got me inspecting her teeth a little closer.  We brush daily, try to twice a day.  Anyways, I found spots on her teeth that didn't look good.  I made an appointment for her with our local dentist in Monroe.  I feel inclined to tell about our experience because I don't ever want a mother to go through what I did.  

I took Saige into the appointment and she was nervous, but she was okay.  We went into the exam room and the assistant tried to keep her calm (she was really great as was the receptionist).  When the dentist came in, he didn't smile at Saige or talk to her at all.  He simply walked over and told me to lay her on my lap.  I tried to do what I could to get her in a position for him to see her teeth.  He yanked her mouth open and she started to scream hysterically.  "Freaking out" would be putting it mildly.  She was absolutely terrified and bit down.  He proceeded to yell out, not really at her, but it scared her even more, hell it even scared me for a second.  After about 30 seconds of pure hell, he told me that all of her teeth showed significant decay.  

I swear to you I brush this kids teeth every day.  I don't inspect them with mirrors or pry her mouth open.  You can't see anything without forcing her to open her mouth, which maybe I should have been doing at home.  Anyways, he went on to ask about milk.  Yes, she drinks milk from her sippy cup during the night, she hasn't had a bottle since she was 11 month old.  Yes, I realize that this can damage their teeth, but we water it down and I will tell you, we have tried SO many times to take it away.  Saige with milk = up about 10x a night, Saige without milk = no sleep AT ALL. Trying to take the milk away has been 100x harder then getting her to sleep in her own bed, which was the hardest thing to do SO far as a mom. 

He told me that it was my fault and all of her decay was preventable.  He then told me that she would have to be sedated at the hospital to have them fixed, which was understandable as there was no way anyone would get to see in her mouth with her awake.  He also told me that the last kids teeth he fixed, he ended up pulling them all and they didn't have any teeth until kindergarten.  He didn't tell me anything he planned to do, scheduled the appointment and pretty much pushed us out of the office because Saige was so upset.  They didn't even offer her a sticker.  I was completely heartbroken.  Saige asked me where her treat was and I told her we would get one.   The second I got to the car I started bawling hysterically.  I cried for two hours straight because I was so upset by the visit, the news about her teeth, the fact that they didn't offer her ANYTHING to make her feel better.  I felt like the absolute WORST mom in the world, how could I let this happen.  

Crying to myself wasn't enough, I had to call my mom and cry to her too.  She asked who I had taken her to and proceeded to tell me a few horror stories, as did my mother in law, about the dentist.  My mom told me about a pediatric dentist that my sister had taken my nephew to, to have his teeth fixed, as he had similar issues going on.  I called and canceled the hospital visit with "the other" dentist and I will NEVER take one of my children to him again.  

I called and made an appointmet for the pediatric dentist, Dr. Cody Johnson out of St. George, for the following day (we got lucky and he was traveling to Richfield that day).  When we went to her appointment with Dr. Johnson, the environment was totally different.  When he came in, he immediately talked to Saige and smiled.  He was happy and so was everyone around him.  Saige wasn't afraid!  He was able to get a look in her mouth without being bitten, although she was still screaming.  He told me the last dentist had probably ruined any chance of quiet dentist visits.  

Dr. Johnson told me the same news, that her teeth were badly decayed.  First question he asked me, " Do you put her to bed with juice or soda?"  My reply, "Are you kidding me? Absolutely not, she does have milk, but never juice or soda".  He went on to tell me that milk shouldn't decay teeth if she is drinking out of a sippy cup because the milk doesn't sit in their mouth as much, they swallow it.  While it isn't good for their teeth, it shouldn't cause significant decay like her teeth had.  Saige's teeth were likely a product of bad genes.  He told us that they would have to sedate Saige and cap all of her teeth, luckily they do have white front caps now so no one would notice unless they looked into her mouth.  I knew that the news was coming, I figured it would be something terrible like caps. 

As a kid, I had silver caps on EVERY single tooth up until they fell out of my poor little head.  They told my mom the same thing, it was her fault for "giving me too much juice", sometimes kids just have softer teeth and softer enamel and it's harder to keep their teeth healthy.  I worry about kids teasing her, like they did me, if they see her "silver teeth", but I know she will be okay.  She is her mother's daughter and well we are tough little shits.  I actually remember a few times that boys wanted to sit next to me to see my shiny teeth!

I SOOO wish this picture was clear because it's the perfect picture of my GRILL!!

 While I felt a little better about our second opinion, I still feel defeated as a parent.  No matter what, even when you try your hardest, it seems like something always sneaks up and  knocks you down making you feel like you aren't "good enough" to be a mom.  

One more experience that has dampered my "Mom spirit" recently...

The girls and I went shopping to Walmart, the first time out of the house with Saige in big girl undies.  We were in and out of the bathroom at least 7 times, which is difficult with a baby, purse, and Saige.  Finally we got out of the store (2 hours later) and to the truck.  I put the baby into the truck, then loaded the groceries in the front passenger seat.  Saige found the keys and pushed the panic button (and apparently the lock button), I took the keys, turned the alarm off, and tossed the keys onto my seat.  Closed the door and went around the truck to put Saige in her seat.  The door was locked, my heart sunk. I tried the driver door, locked.  The baby was locked in the HOT truck ( it was 92 degrees outside) and I didn't have an extra key.  I called Richfield City police in a panic, they told me there was NOTHING they could do as they didn't have the equipment to open vehicle doors.  All I could say was "are you shitting me? WHAT DO I DO???" she told me to call a locksmith, so I hung up on her.  Thank the good Lord that Mikes Auto Clinic is 2 minutes from Walmart and Mike was there.  I stood next to the window staring at the baby trying not to throw up.  Saige at that moment, decided she needed to poop and proceeded to do so, in her pants.  To top it off, she started peeing and it ran down both of her legs, all over the place.   Some lady came up to me (with good intentions) and asked if I was okay or needed a ride, I pointed to the baby and she started to panic, asking me why I wasn't trying to get into the truck.  A.  I knew help was close and the baby was still okay, starting to get flush and breathe harder, but she was still okay.  B.  I had a two year old with me who just crapped her pants, I didn't know what to do with her.  C. There was no way into the truck.  D.  Leave me the hell alone lady before I have a full on PANIC ATTACK.  It took 12 minutes before the baby was out of the car.  She was flushed, but perfectly fine. I started to cry while I was writing the check for the bill.  Mike is lucky I didn't give him a big fat kiss. 

That was the scariest, worst experience in my life.   Again, I bawled all the way home running through all of the events over and over.  Did I do the right thing? What could I have done differently to get her out sooner?  

Looking at both experiences now, I feel confident in the decisions I have made, though it's taken a lot of convincing myself to get to that point.  I no longer regret giving Saige milk.  If it helped in making her teeth bad, there's nothing I can do to change it now, we fix them and we move on, lesson learned.  Little Swayzee is fine and everyone is happy.  

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world and we are our own worst critics.  We have to remind ourselves that as long as we are doing the best that we can, there is no reason to second guess our own decisions.  It is SO important to have confidence as a mother and to follow our hearts.  We have to forgive ourselves everyday and try harder the next.  Most importantly, don't pass judgement on other mothers, because you know what it feels like to be judged.